Friday, 2 July 2010

What women want... go figure

Disclaimer: This entry is poking fun at one and all, author included.

“Ah the strength of women comes from the fact that psychology can't explain us. Men can be analysed, women... merely adored.” Mrs. Cheveley in An Ideal Husband by Oscar Wilde

Twist it which way I want, I still find myself agreeing with this statement. For once I can see men agreeing with me, at least in some part. You know what I am talking about. The usual male lament : I can’t understand women. Guess who symapthises with you. I do.

Yes, I confess, I concur with you. We are not easy to understand. Of course it is doubly difficult for men because you are all (almost all) ill-equipped to handle such intelligence. But nonetheless, I feel for you.

So if you are a man who always wanted know why your wife throws a fit every time you leave your trousers on the floor or who was threatened with bloody murder when he conveniently forgot to take the trash out or was sent scrambling for cover when he thoughtfully gifted her that beautiful piece of jewellery instead of that promised candle-lit dinner, or in other words if you are a man involved with a woman, or woman married to a man, read on. It won’t give you any answers, maybe a chuckle or two and hopefully something to think about.

So where was I? Oh yes, I was saying I don’t blame men for their lack of comprehension of their better halves (There is a reason for this nomenclature by the way). Because the fact is that they can’t. They will have to basically exchange their testosterone for the molotov cocktail that is oestrogen and progesterone to gain an insight. (Before the feminists start baying for my blood for calling women creatures of hormones; let me clarify, I meant to say that a man will have to be a woman to understand another woman. That’s all, calm down.)

And those funny instructional manuals doing the rounds of cyberspace: I hate to admit it, some of them do contain a grain of truth. Even then, they lead you to some how-tos, but never the whys. And men being men, never try to look beyond the obvious and being tunnel-visioned can only focus on the face value, quite forgetting there is a place value attached to their woman’s reason for behaving as she does at times.

Now being a woman I understand; having doled it out in appreciable quantities over the years and also by helping fellow divinities cope with frustrating acts of men. If a girl friend tells me that her husband/boyfriend doesn’t pick up after himself or leaves a damp towel heaped on the sofa (not once or twice but ALWAYS), she will see me nod in sympathy. Because in those innocuous statements lies a frustration that transcends laundry issues.

A man may wonder, what’s the big deal? If it were you, you would keep it where it belongs. And here in lies the irony. Have you EVER been faced with a situation where you had a damp towel staring you in the face, and if you were (the likelihood of which is slimmer than the world going kaput in 2012) chances are you would absent-mindedly sit on it, while your posterior would do what the airer could have done better.

But then men just can’t get it (not don’t, CAN’T). To be fair to them, if you look at it from a “practical” perspective” (a phrase the one I am married to loves using), one just needs to hang the bloody towel to solve the problem. But what they don’t get is that in refusing to pay heed to our request (it usually is, no matter what you men say!) they send out a message that means they don’t love us.

Now I know, those of the male species are shaking their heads and saying “they are all the same” and the women are nodding in agreement. Whether you like it or not, that's how women do think. We do tend to get emotional about things like dishes not washed or clothes not put in their right places. It is perhaps even on places way above the roving eye in the list of things that send us over the edge.

And you can go ahead and tell us not to be “so emotional” and “be practical” or “not take things personally”. The fact is that the most practical of us all, will be very emotional at times and not be practical at instances because “that’s how we are programmed.” (The last bit is within quotation marks because I have been fed that goop by many a man on many an occasion.). If we pay heed to your programming needs, maybe you need to make space for us as well.

About three to four years back I was encouraged by a friend to read Men are from Mars and women are from venus to gain a better understanding of the man-woman relationship. “What poppycock” I remember thinking and refused to bother with it. Global phenomenon notwithstanding, I was of the opinion that such literature was a waste of time, an excuse used by those who were just too selfish to put in hard work in relationships and used the excuse to justify their laziness.

Four years later with a marriage to boot, I wonder if I should pick it up and at least take a look at what the author had to say. For while I haven’t read it, I wonder if it concurs with my understanding of the co-existence of the sexes. For you see in the last one year or so I have realised that if any married couple, no matter how happy with each other were at loggerheads, it wasn’t just because they had differing personalities, it was because he was a MAN and she a WOMAN.

But for those like me who loathe to read these so called self help books and the like, you can skip the 300-odd page tome and listen to Billy Joel for 3-4 minutes instead. For when he tells you that “she can ask for the truth and never believe it or she never gives in or gives out… she just changes her mind,” he is somewhere close to the vicinity of facts about women.

Going back to where I started… Men can be analysed, women merely adored.


Charu said...

hahaha :P

Shwetal said...

i agree!!! totally, completely, unquestioningly... in fact my hubby and I had this discussion rather recently... about the damp towels, the lights, the spoons and forks, the trousers basically, just about everything... and we did concur that we'll, Men are from mars and women are from venus (must admit though that I've never read that book- i cringe at the thought of self help books)

sengemo said...

peru, so far i'have not had a problem with the wet towel (tashi promptly hangs in where it should). But on all the other "practical" things, we've had our fights :) he JUST DOESN'T get it and i am at my wit's end most of the time.

March Hare said...

Thank ye for ur comments and insights. I am finding out now that acceptance is the key to peace and happiness in a relationship... not resignation, acceptance. till that day comes the tussle will continue.

Latin Sardar said...

Have you heard that song by Harry Belafonte and Odetta "there's a hole in my bucket". If you haven't, look it up on youtube, fits perfectly on this situation.

March Hare said...

Nail on the head sir!

ssstoryteller said...

hahah...well said...

Latin Sardar said...

And honestly, the funnier thing is I could visualize you singing Liza's lines when I listened to the song after reading this post.

Shweta said...

Leaves me with a smile as usual! :)

Mum's the Word said...

Hahahah! Lovely blog! Sorry I missed it! Generally, in the past this would have been my favorite peice to join in the hubby-complaints, but of late Prerna, I feel I have sort of elevated from that stage in my marriage. Not completely ofcourse.... still some fine tuning to do but yes.... quite some elevation. And it's all coz i read and watched the book and movie- 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrnes. Changed my perspective on life in a big way. Hope you get a chance to read it.... I know you don't like self-help books and stuff.... but Prerna... this is more than that.... its so simple and awesome and according to me- a must read....hope u'll try it. GOSH THAT WAS A LONG COMMENT!