Monday, 20 July 2009

Nocturnal Habits

I love my husband...love him to bits…

that's why we got married actually- all in love, stars in our eyes and bit o' pain in the backsides (those of you who know me know what i am talking about) Anyhoo...this is not why I am filling up precious space of this blog. What I want to address today is whether love conquers all... inequities, shortcomings, faults... ok ok before you switch off I am not here to discuss moral issues but some very basic ones, that of Snoring and Talking in your sleep... No not me you doubting Thomases! I, I am perfect, the perfect bed-partner, ask my husband! :D It's him we are talking about.

Like I was telling you earlier...I love the husband lots, all his good bad and handsome... but a girl can only take so much. I draw the line at stertor and somniloquy. I try to snooze off before he does, unfortunately he beats me to every time except when he gets work home... and he never brings work home! My sensitivity to this malady is inexplicable because I come from a family of chronic snorers.The mater and pater can start their own naso-phil-harmonica- but then I could shut the door on them and drift away dreaming of the time when my non-snorer husband and I would live happily ever-after. But cupid had other plans.

Cutting to the chase -So here I am stuck with at the snore-grunt-snoreathon, lamenting my fate when I suddenly hear the zzz...ss turning into abcds into codes and binaries! The husband codes in his sleep! And I thought he never brought work home! Karthave!

If this wasn't a shock enough, the next night he WAKES me up, pay attention here, WAKES ME UP, from my hard-to-get slumber to tell me that he's just confirming if I am on the right flight? (all with his eyes closed mind you!) Flight!!! i am flying outta my mind here! Anyone of you dream interpreters here, is there some underlying subconscious Freudian message here that I am missing. By and by I come to know that there are certain tones, reserved for different subjects/people. Mom-in-law n I get the shouting and the rant! Ha! So much for being a peacenik, I don't-like-to-fight, Mr K! I tried to be optimistic about this development! No longer would there be any more secrets between us (his secrets, of course!). I kept my ears peeled but to no avail- hmmm...so better to put an end to all this nocturnal chats and snoring!

So then I go hunting for easy to implement remedies (those worried please rest assured he has no sleep apnoea) on the world wide web. For snoring it says, avoid sleeping flat on you back. Ah! That sounds easy, oh but no... apparently that's the ONLY way he gets good sleep! Selfish bum! And after many-an-unsuccessful attempts, which included gentle nudges, pushes, shoves, nose pinching, it is me sleeping buried under pillows with a prayer on my lips for this torture to end. Along with all this the nightly dream-induced solilquy continues unabated, much to my useless consternation, with no solution in sight.

This is where you, my dear readers come in! Please HELP ME! Tell me how to remedy this problem, before I take to sleep deprivation induced violence and beat him up ( I do love him, but like i said, even that has limits!)! And no, sleeping on the couch doesn't help! The snores transcend concrete, mortar and wood! This is an SOS, a desperate plea for help from someone who loves her 8-hour shut eye but is getting by on only 6! And the reasons keeping me up are not even ones I like!

9 comments:

Latin Sardar said...

Once again, a brilliant laugh riot...
Keep it up...

Bonita said...

This is so true babe....i live in a house where it sounds like herds are passing...totally empathise with u...guess one shud put this as a checklist in marriage profile...

Lorraine said...

oh baby! Poor you.... Will think of a solution and get back to u :) btw i will need to sit with a dictionary while reading u're blogs.

Nikita said...

threaten him to sleep in another room? do u think that is going to work :D

EMZ said...

I knew this before but I didn't tell you!! remember I showed you a video of him snoring? I even made him to smoke a ciggie while he was sleeping...and I have heard him code while sleeping

Shwetz said...

Hahaha!!! Awww! I don't know whether to laugh or sympathize, so I am settling fr rolling on the floor, clutching my stomach and alternating between guffawing and sympathetic noises! :D
I'm afraid I have no solutions tho! But here's a personal insight of no use- both me and S talk in our sleep. We've actually woken each other up cos we were having parallel conversations. No cure yet! Oh i used to pinch my cuzin sis, on the soft part of the upper arm whne she used to snore. She used to scream and wake up. And then I wud sleep in peace. A few pinches shud condition him to non-snoring I suppose:)

sengemo said...

love it :) keep posting
BTW i also suffer the same when i go home (mata, pita) :)

Kumar Anshuman said...

LOL. So now you are facing Pyar ke Side effects:). I suggest you take him to a doctor. Seriously yaar.

Spardha Malik said...

this one was super funny!!
too bad i was reading in office.
3 or 4 loud giggles and everybody was looking at me!